Winter Idyll

A winter ice storm has kept me home from school for the second day in a row now. Pure luxury! To stay in where it is safe and warm, a perfect excuse not to leave the house. For a fairly social person like myself, that doesn't happen very often.

Making the most of it, I spend time in the kitchen. So far, I've made a batch of ginger snap cookies for Derrick, two loaves of seed bread, carrot bread, and banana bread. A roast chicken with orange and carrots for dinner last night and a lasagna with garlic toast for dinner tonight. Not to worry! I'm not eating all of this (well maybe the seed bread) . . . I'll most willingly share with my school friends upon return. And hopefully have enough left over to take to the lake this weekend. How I love the smell of baking, the sight of raw ingredients mixed together, and the actual tactile exercise of mixing. Without a doubt, I get the best deal when I'm the cook, not the ones I share with. They only get the end product. It is the process of cooking I love so much.

The gift of this extra time off has also let me work on a sewing project. I'm determined to have the purple dress ready to wear Saturday! Not to mention the time to fuss over the current mixed media piece, wanting to get it just right. Other teachers are spending their time doing taxes, working on lessons, progress reports, and such. A glimmer of guilt runs through me when I think of those things I also need to get done. But it fills my soul to work on some creative projects instead, something that doesn't happen for work projects.

Last night, eating our roast chicken in front of the television, Derrick and I watched Dr. Zhivago, one item on my "Things To Do List" before he leaves home. Wanted to do it over Christmas break, but never had time. I knew he'd like it! And he did! Such a treasure to have a son like him. Not at all what the stereotype of a teenage son brings to mind. Now he wants to know what other movies Omar Sharif was in. So watching Lawrence of Arabia gets added to the list.

These days of idyll are so precious. I hope they get added to Derrick's storehouse of memories. Much as my memory of spending time with my family in late January of 1978 fill mine. Everyone deserves to have those memories to call back, days filled with simple nothings and the comfort of being cozied in with those we love.

Watching Dr. Zhivago before bedtime sent my romantic mind to dreaming. I dreamt of a long ago love for the first time in years. He was quite present to me in the dream, in the way that was the best with him. Thankfully the dream didn't include all the angst associated with him and the torture of letting go. Must be a good sign, ready for a new love to take root. Bright days ahead.

(Photo of the steps via my niece Jessica, downtown Chicago.)

Dreary Winter Days

To bring forth the soul of our being, we must be in our bodies, rooted to Earth, able to draw from the universal source of energy. - Diane Mariechild

January and February can be so dreary. I allow my days to be filled with ghosts from years past. As if my body being in the same calendar spot collects the pain it went through so long ago. The death of a most special person. The end of a long marriage. The Indiana cold bears down upon my body and I have to fight the urge to bury my soul and push away all light.

This year I was determined that I not sink into that familiar hole. I've been busy with school. That isn’t hard to do! Can hardly keep my head above all the new classes, lesson plans, IEPs, tutoring, etc. So I haven't had as much time to dwell on myself. Reading positive inspirational things helps. Thank God for my day books! Sarah Ban Breathnach, Julia Cameron, and Mark Nepo are my daily friends. I hang onto their thoughts and words as my tow line.

This morning, alone at a Sunday breakfast, I realize I’m doing OK. An epiphany over a cup of cinnamon toast dunked into latte. As I was doing that I literally stopped myself mid-dunk. What am I doing? All of a sudden, I am a little girl at Grandma’s table. My toast is cut into diamonds, buttered and sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar. Milk on the side. My entire being wrapped up in the total, unconditional love Grandma gave me, taught me about. Maybe I’d somehow known I’d need that moment when I saw the cinnamon raisin bread on sale, two for one, a couple of weeks ago. Stashed the bread right into the freezer and took it out this morning. A blessing itself, these days to find a bargain!

So thankful for the little things that can bring such comfort. Do I take enough time to actually be grateful? I don’t want to take any of the wonderful gifts I’ve been given for granted. Sometimes it seems as though I don’t have “enough.” But when I take time to look at myself, I realize that all I need has been gifted to me through the Divine. Home shelters us, keeps us warm and safe. There is always something good to eat, even if it is something simple like my breakfast this morning. I have the love of a wonderful son, one I can trust to do the right things and make good decisions. Such a blessing. My family is a continual source of love and joy. Can’t even imagine how I would survive without my siblings! No matter how far I am from them in body, they are a constant joy and presence in my life. Thank God for cell phones and the Internet!

Another simple pleasure, right at this very moment: I have two friendly cats, sitting right next to my computer screen. Little Bitty is curled up in the soft basket. Tommy is sitting next to her. He takes turns grooming himself and then her. The curtain is pulled aside to let as much winter light in as possible to my study. That light reminds me that my soul craves the light and all that is given to me. It is up to me to decide whether I bury the light, or let it shine.

This Divine world provides so much beauty and joy. I simply have to remember to be present to it. When I am, I can realize the boundless energy and love that is always there for me. Dreary days be gone!

Simple Christmas Delights

Teach us to delight in simple things.

- Rudyard Kipling

Today is such a day for simple things. Snow has been falling slowly and gently all day. Blessed I am among women that I was able to stay home for most of the day, out just long enough to appreciate being in.

Derrick had two of his friends over for much of the afternoon. Love the laughter and energy teenage boys bring into the home. While they play video games I make pizza for them. They totally wipe out the gingersnaps I made yesterday afternoon, so I make a batch of cherry oatmeal cookies to take their place. Christmas music weaves in and out of the sound of the boys talking and laughing, along with their games. My time is spent between the kitchen and dining room where I have Christmas projects spread out over the table. It's a mess, but the kind of mess that brings me happiness. A productive mess.

How amazing it is to think of this as Derrick's possible last year spent with me during the Advent season. I don't want to think of everything "as the last time," but it is difficult not to. I don't know where he'll end up this time next year so knowing that makes this Christmas season seem all the more special. I remember the first Christmas he was here. Living in temporary housing while our new home was being built, all the Christmas ornaments packed away in storage. It was impossible to think of not having a tree for his first Christmas. As if he would even know! I don't even have pictures of it anymore. But that Christmas is engrained in my memory so clearly. We got a tree with long needles, a full, round tree. I bought an abundance of candy canes and red velvet bows to hang on the tree, along with white lights. Simply delightful. Derrick would lay on his floor quilt in front of the tree and wave his hands and legs as if hoping to take off in flight to the top of the tree. Next year he really will take off in flight, onto the next phase of his life.

Today's events will join other memories without photos (camera left in the desk drawer at school) for me. How is it that some of those memories are more visual than those with the actual pictures?

Derrick's happy because his school has already posted a two hour delay for morning. Another simple happiness.

52 Wonderful Things on a November Afternoon

1. Sharing the love of my life, my son, these years.

2. Two silly and/or purring cats to keep me in constant company.

3. Sparkling, sunny sky on a November day.

4. The love and support of my family.

5. The sound of two 11 year olds from Taiwan playing and laughing in the house.

6. An inspiring message this morning. Feeds my soul in such a great way.

7. My good health.

8. Being a student of yoga.

9. Looking forward to the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday. Family gathers and favorite foods!

10. The smell of a pumpkin cake baking away.

11. Work I enjoy.

12. Friends that call me in the morning.

13. Friends that call me at night.

14. The music of Luka Bloom.

15. The choice of different music to fit my mood.

16. The laughter of teenagers gathering for fun and pizza.

17. Reading a good book in bed at night.

18. A cup of chai.

19. A clean house.

20. Colleagues that work together in the best possible way.

21. The feeling of getting out of the shower in the morning, ready to start the day.

22. Creativity!

23. Making a gift for someone.

24. Friends scattered around the world.

25. Stars glowing in the deep night.

26. Sunrise at the lake.

27. Walking in the woods.

28. Looking for seasonal changes in Indiana.

29. Pumpkins lined up on the brick wall.

30. Clementines.

31. Finding friends in my area. Coffee date set for Sunday afternoon!

32. Looking forward to taking another mixed media class.

33. Planning for Christmas. All of a sudden I have gift ideas for everyone!

34. A brand spanking new espresso machine. Can’t wait for morning.

35. Getting my lessons done.

36. The boys from Taiwan asking me for titles of songs I listen to. I’ll make them a CD to take home. Country!

37. Derrick finishing his homework project.

38. Messages from friends.

39. Catching a glimpse in the mirror and being pleasantly surprised.

40. Taking time to write in my journal.

41. Clean sheets to crawl into.

42. The admiration of a younger man.

43. The magic of cell phones, being connected in a moment.

44. Not to mention the magic of the internet.

45. Naked trees, especially the birch.

46. Long walks.

47. Meeting new friends.

48. Beginning the holiday baking. First batch of gingerbread cookies to share!

49. Watching a favorite movie without interruption.

50. A new razor. Makes my legs feel marvelous.

51. Meditation

52. Healing joy.

Three Boys at Home

All of a sudden I am a mother of three! Such energy the two boys from Taiwan have brought to our household! Derrick and I have such a rhythm to our days. This is a nice distraction and break from our routine. It reminds me of when Derrick was that young and playing with friends at home.

Listening to the boys play and talk is pure delight. I don't understand one word of Chinese, but listening to them is fun. They've been polite and are definitely members of the clean plate club. They've eaten everything I've put in front of them. They've asked questions about some things, but haven't turned up their noses at anything, like so many American children are apt to do.

The entire group gathers together every Saturday morning for an event. Yesterday we went to Conner Prairie, an historical view of Central Indiana. We'd hoped to go on a hot air balloon ride, but weren't able to do so due to the high winds. After lunch we went with a smaller group to a pumpkin patch. Traditional hayrides, wandering through a couple of corn mazes, painting small pumpkins, playing outside til we're all exhausted. Lots of fresh air! We made pizza for dinner. They both thought they were the best pizza chefs.

I was afraid that they would be homesick. But having a friend with them helps. Glad I decided to take two. Thee is always someone that understands them! I think it has helped that Derrick has a friend from Taiwan. He came over the first night to welcome them to America. Also hung out with us at the pumpkin patch in the afternoon. D thinks it's great that the Asians outnumbered the whites for once! The boys have a computer with them, provided by their school. The fact that they can skype with their family back in Taiwan almost every day helps with the homesickness, too. It isn't like summer camp, after all!

I've tried to warn them about taking things to school . . . wonder how long it will take before someone steals something from them. I was horrified to hear from J's teacher this week that his phone went off in the middle of class! Not only that he got a text message in the classroom, but mostly because he had his phone at school. In his back pack, not a pocket. I've had Mr. P talk to them about it. We'll see!

The entire school has wrapped their arms in welcome to our 12 students. I had an obligation on Friday night so my boys spent time with 4 other teachers. Another teacher joined us at the pumpkin patch yesterday afternoon. Another teacher has invited us to trick or treat with her family tonight. Not only do they welcome the students, but I feel closer to some of my colleagues because of this experience. A good way for our school to bond together.

What Was I Thinking?

All weekend the Dierks Bentley song title keeps going through my mind. No, I'm not crazy enough to run in the truck through danger . . . but What Was I Thinking?

Today is the last day I have before my two students from Taiwan arrive for a month. Into my humble home. Dropped into an inner city school during the day. Into two crazy cats and one teenager. To show them "typical America." Am I that? My single parent home. I certainly feel far away from the excess and success that so many people in the world associate to America.

Most of the house is clean enough. Working on the study today. Oh my. This space where I work on lessons, pay bills, do art work, house my books, sew, create words, dream. Little piles of all the pieces I am. Once I was brave enough to take a photo of my study. Not today. Maybe only an after picture . . . someday. Not today, I think.

Still, it is a good idea to have them here. Something that has the potential to make a lasting impact on the four of us in years to come. A connection across the world that will exist forever. I've always had friends around the globe, this is just another one. Sharing our daily lives for a month will connect us in a way that few have the opportunity to have. It isn't just a sight seeing trip.

Then there is the idea of them at school. Oh my. Please, please don't think of America as just that vision of the inner city school. While there are good things that happen there every day, glimmers of hope and progress, learning . . . there is also the angry voice, the bullying and meanness between, random acts of violence and destruction.

Hopefully they will see through some of that to the goodness that exists in the individual students and teachers there.  Hopefully they won't be disappointed in our daily life. Hopefully they think cats are OK. Hopefully they won't think our food is disgusting. Hopefully they will see the love that exists in our home, our safe haven in the world. Hopefully they will have a good impression of America to take back to their family and friends in Taiwan. Hopefully they will have positive experiences to remember about America in their years ahead. To remember that there are those of us who try to make a difference in the world and that the small pieces (like those found in my study) make up more than the whole that others sometimes see.

Back to the quagmire. It is looking better.

Friends

Not too long ago I went out for lunch on a lovely Sunday afternoon. It was a hot day, one of many this summer. But I had the feeling as though it might be one of the last times I might be able to go to the local pub and sit outside for lunch. I wanted to enjoy the day. I was seated by the hostess and waited for the server to come. Soon she was there and greeted me with, “You’re all by yourself?!”

Wow. What a bummer. Nothing like making someone feel like a real for sure looser. I’m sure that wasn’t her intention, and perhaps I was feeling a bit vulnerable. No, come to think of it, I wasn’t. I’d gone to a beautiful meditation in the morning and was feeling surrounded by love. Just because a person is alone doesn’t mean they are unloved. I remember thinking, I have lots of friends, they just don’t happen to live here in Indianapolis! But, of course, I didn’t need to justify myself to her. Even during the lunch, I chatted with the couple at the next table. Brings to mind the book I’m reading for school right now, The Power of Words. We never really know how someone else will take what we say, however innocent the words may be.

Today I am thankful for the friends I have. Even though they may not be located physically near me, they are out there. These are the friends that are soul friends. It doesn’t matter how long it has been since we were last together. It could be years. But when we see or talk on the phone, even chat on line, it is as though we are together again, sitting at a kitchen table, chatting together over a cup of tea of coffee. (Or maybe at a pub to share a glass of wine!) We pick up on the strand of Life that connects us and brings us together immediately. I’m grateful I have so many of these friends.

These are the friends that provide my life with light and love.

Lori, sister first, friend forever

Kay, a new lake friend. Warm and intelligent.

Karen, ready for a day of hiking.

Barb L. College roommate, life long friend.

Rachel, providing music. Far now in miles, but not in heart.

Tina. Pure light.

Surrounded by Carolyn and Lori. What could be better?

Laura. A friend found in Texas. Interwoven stories.

Alicia and her new love. Blessed to watch her grow.

Can't have too much of Kay and Lori!

Beate. Beautiful B.

Only too bad that none of them were present to show the waitress that I truly am not by myself!