Spring Rain

The quieter you become, the more you can hear. 

~ Yasutani Roshi

Today is the first day of Spring rain. The rain washes down the deck, just swept yesterday from the remnants of Winter. 

I absolutely had to sit outside yesterday. It was the first time that it was warm enough to be outside without a jacket. Lunch, tea with a friend, and some pages read. Not to mention the sweeping, cleaning of tables, poking around in the gardens to see what is waiting to reveal itself to us. So glad I took that opportunity to enjoy the air and sunshine!

The beginning of the Spring rains marks three months in our home. Three months of our married life. The beginning of a new season together. So even though many people don't like the rain . . . this rain is symbolic in the newness of all that lies before us still. The end of the long Winter, coldest on record, and with the most snowfall anyone can remember. 

Just a few moments ago a streak of lightening bolted across the sky. Then the resulting long, low rumble of thunder, actually felt in the floor of the house. Tommy, always afraid of loud noises, ran to hide under the bed. Bitty stayed with me, wondering what his fuss was all about. He has now safely retreated to the fluffy bed that he hasn't even used since we moved into the house.

The wind takes the chimes, making beautiful music in combination with the falling rain. The peaceful melody of our home. 

At 10:00 each morning (or as close to it as I can remember) I've taken a picture out into the meadow of our backyard. I should have thought to start this earlier in the year. But the progression of March has shown the changes that happen, ever so gradually, in the coming of Spring. Sometimes there has been snow. Sometimes the river is much closer than normal. The green starts to reveal itself. 

March 12

March 15

March 23

March 28

March 30

Each day shows its wonder.

St. Patrick's Day

May the long time sun shine upon you,

All love surround you, 

And the pure light within you

Guide your way home.

~ An Irish Blessing

This has been a long winter. Long and cold. Not in a bad way. This winter has been the happiest I have ever been. The light of love has been shining bright.

Still, everyone longs for the green to return to northern Indiana. So I looked back at some of my favorite summer green scenes from last summer. Hope springs eternal and on this day of celebrating the green, I needed to see some. The meadow behind our house will soon turn green. We long to discover what plants will shoot up. And to add our personal stamp to the yard. I'm trying to be patient!

It was a joy to celebrate St. Patrick's Day with T. Early in our courtship we spoke of being both a wee bit Irish. So, our first St. Patrick's Day together was yet another reason to celebrate. Dinner of Potato Leek Soup and my nearly famous Irish Soda Bread. Guiness, of course. Along with Dubliner cheese. It is such a delight to cook for him! 

Faith in Poetry

We all sit around in a circle and suppose,

but the secret sits in the center and knows.

~ Robert Frost

Last week I was asked to share some thoughts on faith with a group of college students at the weekly chapel service. What do I know about that? But share I did, to a group of very attentive, gracious, promising students.

I have found my faith by being able to sit still enough to listen to the God voice I have within myself. My grandmother taught me at an early age to listen to what she called "angel thoughts." As I've sought to find my meaning in life, I have come to realize that I find the presence of God when I am centered in quiet. One of the easiest ways for me to center myself is in nature. I also find the quiet in seated meditation. During those times, my heart is full and my mind is empty. I am then able to connect to the highest, formless intelligence that is Divine Love.

It has been a struggle to learn how to be still and quiet enough to make this magic happen. Some days are easier than others to reach that space. Yoga helps. Stepping aside from the busyness of life helps. Writing helps. Poetry helps. Nature helps.

As my prayer became more attentive and inward

I had less and less to say.

I finally became completely silent.

I started to listen

- which is even further removed from speaking.

I first thought that praying entailed speaking.

I then learnt that praying is hearing,

not merely being silent.

This is how it is.

To pray does not mean to listen to oneself speaking,

Prayer involves becoming silent,

And being silent,

And waiting until God is heard.

~ Soren Kierkegarrd

Poems such as this provide an example to me of how God is at the center of my heart. This center is the invisible and untouchable space within all of us. This is the Namaste, the good within each of us, that is only seen from the heart, not from our physical senses. This is the thought within the thought that is God. I find this pure magic, much as Rumi says:

Every tree and plant in the meadow seemed to be dancing,

Those which average eyes would see as fixed and still.

~ Rumi

The college students provided a warm and welcoming audience to my thoughts about faith. Perhaps not the usual thing that is heard in a chapel. I was honored to be with them. I was also honored that my husband was present and accepts my sharing in such a loving, unconditional way. Life is beautiful.

Prayer is the little implement

Through which men reach

Where presence-is denied them

They fling their speech

By means of it-in God's Ear-

If He then hear-

This sums the Apparatus

Comprised in Prayer-

                                       ~Emily Dickinson

Wonder

Always be on the lookout for a sense of wonder. 

~ E. B. White

There are moments that I have to wonder if I am dreaming, so full of wonder is my life now. 

Years ago I found myself in a marriage that had fallen in shatters to the floor, preparing for a move back to familiar territory in the Midwest. I knew the marriage was over, but I also knew I wasn't in a position to raise my young son so far away from family, in a location that would have been difficult to support us economically. A day came, in preparing for the move with my then-husband, that a voice came into my mind, "There will be a place for you at the college." It was clear and wondrous, this voice.

I followed the leadings of that direction. Once we were settled in, Derrick returned to school, resume updated, I started looking for a job that I knew I would need in order to position myself for the freedom from that marriage. The first time I used the Internet for a job search. I looked, not nearly as surprised as I should have been, to see a job posted at my alma mater. Straight to the college I went, handed to give the director of personnel my resume in person. A few days later, October 8, 1999, I had my interview, was offered the job and never looked back. For years I thought that job was the place for me at the college. I thought that was the life saving message received.  That wasn't the end of the story.

The Universe is full of wonder. We simply have to be open enough to receive the messages and to step into wonder with faith we are doing the right thing.

The wonder for me is that now, all these years later, I have returned to the town of my alma mater. The third time I've come to this small town. The first as a student, the second as an employee and mother of a young son. Both, times of great healing and personal growth. I worked in a department that fully supported one other. One of the best work teams I've ever been privileged enough to be a part of. We accomplished great things together. As part of fulfilling my personal dream, I decided to resume classes again while working there so I could become an elementary school teacher. That I did, teaching in Indianapolis in an urban environment since then.

Seems the Universe wanted me back here in this place. In a fairy story style way. Someone I knew from those days of working and I lost track of each other for years. Our lives were meant to be lived as they were. But life changes struck us both. We reacquainted ourselves this summer. The friendship planted in dormant soil so very long ago quickly sprouted into a strong relationship. Even though an observer might think this has all moved quickly, we felt it was clear that this was simply meant to be.

When we reconnected, T was living in Pennsylvania. Our beginning email/telephone/Skype exchanges led to eventual visits from him to Indiana. There was never a doubt for either of us that we were meant to be together. Serendipitously, at the same time, he was recruited back to this town in the same position he held those years ago.

So . . . wonder of wonders, on January 1st T and I were married! I am certain I am in the place the Universe wanted me to be!

Standing by the Edge of the Pond

Standing on the edge of the small pond, looking down the bank. I lean against a strong fallen limb, which seems perfectly placed for that exact purpose. Close by there is an inlet from the river, so there is a current that moves the fallen leaves across the top. We’ve just emerged from a wooded section of the 100 acre park. We’ve walked together under the ancient, huge trees where sometimes the pond peeked through and was sometimes hidden. Cool enough for long sleeves, warm enough that no jacket is required. The sun sometimes shines through a blue sky and sometimes hides behind the clouds blowing by.   

We pause to enjoy the moment of the early autumn afternoon. The sun sparkles on the water top. Precious time spent together. No need to even say to each other what the moment means, though we express it with gratitude just to be sure. Grateful that we both understand the need to be in nature like this without the need to convince or explain why.

I see a sandhill crane. Still as stone on the other side of the pond. At first I don’t see it, but my eye always looks for them at the lake, so I automatically watch now and spot it. Turns its head slowly so that it is obvious it is hunting for a fish in the water or a frog in the reed. The epitome of patience, this crane. Reminding me of days and years I thought I would never have the patience to make it to this very moment.

It is too early in the season yet for many of the leaves to have turned or fallen. There are a few. Watching those few leaves in the water, I am reminded of the flow of the river of life. Riding it gently, taking us right where we belong. I wonder how many times in the past I’ve struggled and struggled, only to allow myself to be overwhelmed by the current below and taken under the water. Miraculously, not to be drowned in the angst of the struggle but saved in order that I can now gently flow in the beauty of this fall afternoon.

Dreaded Test Day

My class has been counting down to the ISTEP test since I started working with them in December. As with anything, it seemed so far off then. So many other important things to take care of and consider before the test arrived. Now, the day is here. Yikes!

This class has come so far. Yet I'm concerned. Is it far enough? Have we accomplished enough in this time span?

They've been through a lot this year. The entire school has. We started the year with a new to the school principal and assistant principal. Because we knew who was coming last year, much of the staff bailed to other schools in the district. We lost a lot of good teachers. The principal decided to hire a bunch of new teachers, many of whom were Teach For America teachers. Good thought, I guess. But the reality of teaching in an urban school is not the stuff of TV movies and fairy tails. Most of those teachers simply couldn't hack it and left. The only TFA teachers that now remain are teachers that were trained in the education discipline in college and decided to go with TFA for the perks, etc. The ones that left did damage of trust and lost instructional time to the classes they influenced while here.

Count my class as one of those. The woman who originally had my class just couldn't take it. The students sensed her fear of controlling a classroom. She thought she could reach them by being a friend. Or something. She simply walked out - middle of the day - with certain expletives, just not able to stand another minute. Another teacher took the class sometime in October. From the get-go she was wishy washy about classroom management. I remember going into her class one day, simply because the noise was so loud as I was passing by that I couldn't believe it. I just walked in, said, "Give me five," and the class immediately quieted, shamed to have been caught by me. Many of the students have known me from going into their classes in first & second grade or at least seeing me in the halls and such. Anyway, that woman would call in sick more than she would be present. She walked out sometime in November, again middle of the day with expletives.

Thankfully, the bad first principal of the year left sometime in September. Speculation is all we have, but one Monday afternoon at dismissal time we got an email from him wishing us well, but that he wouldn't be back. No love lost on anyone's part, in my opinion. Thankfully the first thing the next morning our new principal was introduced. Her first assignment as a principal after being an assistant for several years in the district.

Toward the end of November, following a morning staff meeting, the principal said she couldn't keep a sub in the room, no one was picking up the job, and there wasn't a viable candidate for the position in the HR pool. By this point the kiddos had been split into other classes throughout the building for at least a week. She wasn't sure what the result for the class would be. I'd been thinking about them. Remembering, the way they immediately turned off their nonsence when I went into their classroom. So I went to the principal and told her she'd have to find a sped teacher to replace me, but that I would take the class for her. She grabbed me in a hug, said, "Are you sure? You're an answer to a prayer!" So I switched from sped with first & second to being a gen ed teacher in third. Haven't regretted that move for a minute of the year. Even though it has been tremendous work to prepare for them each day.

Pre-data results show an increase in their work from the time I started working with them. Still, this is the real deal today. Hope they got me sleep than me last night!

My Marine

"Every morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." ~ Siddhartha Gautama

What a whirlwind of a couple of weeks! Off to San Diego last week for Derrick's graduation from boot camp as an official Marine. His father, my sister, her husband and I were all there to join in the celebration. I can't even begin to dissect  the feelings and emotions I have!

The one thing I am is exceptionally proud of my son. He grabbed onto a goal several years ago and worked, waited, and never doubted his path. He was so certain. Other people could have given up, or at least become overwhelmingly discouraged. But not Derrick. He always knew he'd make it.

Make it he did! The days in San Diego were amazing. Seeing him after so many months with only letters to communicate. Seeing the entire company on the parade deck, marching in precision. Meeting his friends and knowing he is in good hands. The leadership we observed. I'm thankful of where he's been and where he's going.

Each day is a new day. Derrick has so many adventures in his days ahead.