Teach us to care and not to care. 

Teach us to sit still.

- T. S. Eliot

Today I am linking up with Gypsy Mama in the Five Minute Friday Challenge over at {in}courage. Today’s challenge is to take five short minutes to just write and then leave it be… no editing, no re-thinking it. Just writing for the love of it, for the love of written words, to become Word Artist. So here goes…

The art of patience while we are waiting. Waiting, yes, for the outcome of our desire. Waiting and trying to still the desire of the heart. Learning to let go of the outcome and simply let be what is to come.

I remember my dad said, years ago, "Patience isn't always a good thing." But what else can I do?

I try to still my heart while waiting for the answer. And remember that God rests in action. So I try to still my heart with the activity of these last days of summer. I make art with friends. I read and ponder words. I bake . . . cookies, bread, lavendar short-bread, angel food cake . . . to share with those I love. I sew, making new things to spark my life and to wear to a new school year.

Still, it is difficult to quiet my heart to the stillness, the peace it longs for. I wait.

Here is the link to check out others . . .

 http://www.incourage.me/2011/07/five-minute-friday-still.html

Loss

In the middle of the journey of my life

I found myself inside a dark forest, for

The right way I had completely lost.

 - Dante

The idea of loss has crossed my path several times this week. Once, ok; twice you might notice; third time, you better listen.

Loss has visited me many times in life. Beloved family members that have passed on, the death of my first love, friends left behind in a myriad of moves, divorce severed my family and home. Terrible things all part of the journey that is my life. I’ve come to think of some of these losses as the very fiber of my being. If I hadn’t had those incredibly significant losses, I wouldn’t even be who I am today. Sometimes that makes me sad, wondering who I might have been, but most days that idea nearly scares the living daylights out of me. The idea of continuing in a way that simply wasn’t right for me, and the idea that I am right where I need to be right now.

There are other losses, on a much smaller scale, that I’m thinking about now. Like the loss of the letters I received when I was a little girl. Letters my grandpa wrote to me when my family moved away. Instead of writing those to me in his voice, his dog Scamper was the voice I read. How Scamper missed my laughter and following me around the garden while I helped Grandpa. Suffering from the loss of his first grandchild, he was. Birthday poems that Aunt Nita sent to mark each new year. She was traveling at the time, around the world. Too expensive to send a package. Too creative to buy an ordinary birthday card. Letters Grandma sent to encourage me, remind me, be a part of me.

Those letters survive only in my memory. Small things, to be sure compared to other losses. What I wouldn’t give to have them in a box or drawer to touch a part of them now.

Moments at the Lake

“She was learning to love moments.
To love moments for themselves,”

– Gwendolyn Brooks

Glorious days spent at the lake. Staying in the Cottage, away from all others when needed, but close enough to be with them and in the mix of it all. My entire adult life I've dreamt of living close to family. At the lake I do, a quick walk to either the home of my brother or sister. Sometimes my sister-in-law stops by on the golf cart, on the way to nowhere, and takes me with her. Half way to my sister's is the home of good lake friends. Always a wave on the way, sometimes stopping just to see what is going on.

The peace of the Cottage is like none other. Is it the cover of trees? Just right to shade from the mid-day sun and heat. Is it the ever changing view of the lake? Is it bird song? Even in the dark, I can hear the sound of a screech owl. I certainly feel like it is sacred space.

The holiday started when the family gathered for Independence Day. The tradition continues, with the young adults now coming and going according to their own schedules. A day or two with just the lake crew. Then a troop of girl friends come for a visit. My sister and I have always been able to share friends, so it was a delight to bring friends together; different states we've lived in, different phases of our lives. All intertwined in a beautiful tapestry. After they leave, again the lake crew.

Pleasant times of kayaking in the mornings and evenings when the water is quiet, before the motor boats overtake the water. Going out to the sandbar in the afternoons for fun and laughter and cold drinks. Simple seasonal foods. Walks under the stars. Moments taken to write in my journal, read a few pages, work on a creative project. All until the next call or knock comes to go on another adventure.

One evening the lake crew ended up at the Cottage where I made pizza for everyone, using up the dough I'd made for the girls. It's been a long time since I've actually "entertained" people other than teenage boys in my space. Five couples, plus me. It felt so good to have a mixed group at my place. As if I really could fit into a coupled group again someday. As my brother-in-law said, "50 year old boys like pizza as much as teenagers!"

It's been a long time since I've been away from home for so long. And I can't remember when I have ever come home from a vacation actually refreshed and relaxed. I think those moments spent at the lake will keep me feeling peaceful and revitalized for a long time to come.

The Gratitude of June

I wonder what it would be like to live in a world where it was always June. - L. M. Montgomery

Seems like these lovely days of June have simply slipped away. So many things to be grateful for, these days.

• Finding a new fabric store. http://www.thefrenchseam.com/
• Sipping a chai while chatting away with a special friend.
• The gallery walk in Zionsville.
• Sitting outside at the pub with friends on a week night, laughing over a drink or two.
• A going away party that turned into a not going away celebration.
• The gift of flowers from a friend's garden.
• Two graduation parties for Derrick.
• Dinner at a friend's house for a girls night.
• Simply having friends to do things with this summer.
• Having time to get the house clean and keep it that way.
• Starting to work on creative projects.
• Staying at the Lake Cottage for the first night.
  
  Going to yoga classes.
• Talking walks.
• Writing in the mornings.
• Loosing a few pounds.
• A lovely date night, even if it didn't lead to anything with him. It is one more step on the journey.
• Going to the fireworks and enjoying a friend's three year old delight at pointing out every color to me.
• Listening to bird song.
• Baking bread for friends.
• Not feeling lonely for the first time during the summer as a teacher when school is out.
• Seeing dew drops on the tip of every blade of grass on the morning lawn.
• Making art in the mixed media group.
  
  

Graduation Day

Derrick is now a high school graduate. The rite of passage complete. Waiting to go on to his future. The big day is followed by a small gathering of out of town guests for a burrito buffet. Combined families celebrating the best of us together.

Blurry pictures seem to symbolize the blur of the years that passed so quickly. Emotion fills my soul as I think about the joys of raising a boy. Especially one so wise. Trust that the gifts he has bestowed will return to him tenfold.

How did he know where to find me in the crowd?

Proud of his accomplishment

Finding anyone in the crowd seemed miraculous. Yet, we found all the ones that count.

A group of friends together

Think the larger celebration at the lake next week will be easier than all of this.

Last Day of High School

I don't know how this has happened! My little boy has grown into a fine young man. His very last day of school. Which isn't really even school because they've taken a bus to the stadium downtown to practice for graduation tomorrow. Derrick told me last night as he was going to bed, "This is the last time I'll ever set my alarm for school."

Memories come floating by; holding him as an infant, playing as he grows, his ever present smile those first few years, his imagination, his energy. His presence in my life has actually defined my life in so many ways. Such a gift he has been to me all these years.

Loves the cottage cheese!

Tea time in his "Indiana Jones" Hat

Snuggling with Horton at bedtime

Now his official growing up days are over. He will always be a part of me, even if he isn't with me every day from this point forward.

I'm proud of the person he has become. Amazed to think that he is who he is. His goals, while not what I would have chosen for him, are honorable. He has shown great discernment in his decision making process. That is part of who he is and I can trust he will always follow a similar process, making the best decisions for him.

Today is a flurry for me, bake favorite cookies, prepare food for the party tomorrow, clean up the mess that always happens in the house at the end of a school year, try to make pretty by hanging pictures, fluffing pillows, place flowers about. I want his day tomorrow to be filled with the memory of family and friends surrounding him, knowing that support will be there for him the rest of his days.

Luka Bloom

In June of 2009 I was fortunate enough to see Luka Bloom in person at the Old Town School of Folk Music in Chicago. Truly a magical night. I went with my sister and niece. Special memories of that evening crop up from time to time, always when I need them.

Attending a live performance of Luka Bloom's was on my "bucket list." I've had to add attending another to the list! I watch his performance schedule to see if he'll return sometime to a place I can get to. Because I've always wanted to go to Ireland, perhaps I'll be able to see him there someday. Another dream fufilled.
From the time I discovered his music, it has reached into my soul. Years and years ago, I had purchased some Christmas CD's with musicians from Ireland. Found them, actually, when working with a group of nuns. Those CD's were some of the music I took with me when I left the marriage. At that time I didn't have much music, and the music didn't particulary strike me as Christmasy. So I listened and listened. I found that I always paused on a couple. Actually stopped what I was doing and listened to the words, the music. So I looked to find out who it was. Luka Bloom. I did what any reasonable person would do and went to Barnes & Noble to find more! Haven't stopped listening yet. Thank goodness the internet makes it easy to purchase songs as not all of his music is available for purchase in the US.

Somehow his music, more than any other musician, has touched me. As if he was singing just for me. An odd thing, really, as I'm not one to be swept away by any famous people. An example of how we're all connected in this web of life. He sings a song somewhere and pulls on the web strings, making me listen from far away.

Just can't resist adding in one of my absolute favorites. Never fails to make me feel better, uplifted. Listen, watch, enjoy.