Sunday, January 30, 2011

Dreary Winter Days

To bring forth the soul of our being, we must be in our bodies, rooted to Earth, able to draw from the universal source of energy. - Diane Mariechild

January and February can be so dreary. I allow my days to be filled with ghosts from years past. As if my body being in the same calendar spot collects the pain it went through so long ago. The death of a most special person. The end of a long marriage. The Indiana cold bears down upon my body and I have to fight the urge to bury my soul and push away all light.

This year I was determined that I not sink into that familiar hole. I've been busy with school. That isn’t hard to do! Can hardly keep my head above all the new classes, lesson plans, IEPs, tutoring, etc. So I haven't had as much time to dwell on myself. Reading positive inspirational things helps. Thank God for my day books! Sarah Ban Breathnach, Julia Cameron, and Mark Nepo are my daily friends. I hang onto their thoughts and words as my tow line.

This morning, alone at a Sunday breakfast, I realize I’m doing OK. An epiphany over a cup of cinnamon toast dunked into latte. As I was doing that I literally stopped myself mid-dunk. What am I doing? All of a sudden, I am a little girl at Grandma’s table. My toast is cut into diamonds, buttered and sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar. Milk on the side. My entire being wrapped up in the total, unconditional love Grandma gave me, taught me about. Maybe I’d somehow known I’d need that moment when I saw the cinnamon raisin bread on sale, two for one, a couple of weeks ago. Stashed the bread right into the freezer and took it out this morning. A blessing itself, these days to find a bargain!

So thankful for the little things that can bring such comfort. Do I take enough time to actually be grateful? I don’t want to take any of the wonderful gifts I’ve been given for granted. Sometimes it seems as though I don’t have “enough.” But when I take time to look at myself, I realize that all I need has been gifted to me through the Divine. Home shelters us, keeps us warm and safe. There is always something good to eat, even if it is something simple like my breakfast this morning. I have the love of a wonderful son, one I can trust to do the right things and make good decisions. Such a blessing. My family is a continual source of love and joy. Can’t even imagine how I would survive without my siblings! No matter how far I am from them in body, they are a constant joy and presence in my life. Thank God for cell phones and the Internet!

Another simple pleasure, right at this very moment: I have two friendly cats, sitting right next to my computer screen. Little Bitty is curled up in the soft basket. Tommy is sitting next to her. He takes turns grooming himself and then her. The curtain is pulled aside to let as much winter light in as possible to my study. That light reminds me that my soul craves the light and all that is given to me. It is up to me to decide whether I bury the light, or let it shine.

This Divine world provides so much beauty and joy. I simply have to remember to be present to it. When I am, I can realize the boundless energy and love that is always there for me. Dreary days be gone!